Men’s day special – The mystical side to masculinity

Frankly I found it weird when I got to know we had an international men’s day celebrated every year in the month of November. I never thought if men should really be celebrated for their masculinity or physical strength or egoism or for being the top of everything (No offence please).

When I started my blogging journey I began to observe people and their lives in search of inspiring stories and I have definitely started looking at the positive side. This also holds true for seeing the positive side to men. The images I had of men were those who just couldn’t stand women riding or driving ahead of you or waiting in a queue before you or do not feel that women should be given equal rights like men. I somehow felt inferior with the mentality I came across of some men. But of late my thinking has changed. How you perceive the world, shapes your thinking and your thinking shapes your beliefs. It’s how you choose to see the world – either the glass is half filled with water or half empty.

Men are definitely good at heart be it with relationships, respect, knowledge, chivalry or good behavior. Men have a side to them that is very rare but turns out to be a gem when it is showcased. This blog is an exploration of that mystical side to masculinity.

I have definitely learnt and admired the men in my life – my father and brother. My father is very caring and loving when it comes to his family and is also expressive. When I was a little kid, my father would shower his love on me, cuddle me make me laugh. Whenever my mother scolded me, I knew I had my father backing me and I always loved that. I saw another side of his expressiveness when he was working abroad. His letters! These always showcased his love that I missed in his absence. His titles for my brother and me read – “My dearest sweetie pie loving cutie …. (My pet name lol) and all his caring questions on my school, studies and others – my father was a real good writer and his love came out in the choicest of words he used and I admired that. I guess that’s how I turned out to be a writer and poet myself.

In comparison to my father, my brother was just the opposite. He was very meek and all to himself. I found him strict at times too and never expressive – a common problem among men. Most men are like coconuts, hard on the outside soft in the inside. With their behavior or expressions they are never expressive. My brother was just that. I found him to be more queit and grumpy every time he got home. There were few times he would be in good mood and begin boxing with me, I loved that. And sometimes I used to give him surprises putting on his shirt which drowned me entirely or keep his favourite food covered under a dupatta and reveal it when he got back home from office. The smile on his face was something I always wanted to see – equivalent to switching on a light in a dark room – it’s always best to see him smile.

I had seen a few other sides to him – his chivalrous attitude, how caring he is as a colleague, as a manager, as a husband and a father. It came out in his behavior clearly and this change came exactly 20 years later with the birth of his children – a son and a daughter. The expressive father he is now is definitely a credit that his children should take. He talks to them openly, shares his knowledge on sports, studies, he plays with them, encourages them and appreciates them quite often. That’s the best part of him I have seen. I don’t agree to say that he did not appreciate me – he did and those were the best times when I actually felt my brother was proud of me and he acknowledged the fact that I was doing things for him.

Men are very thoughtful and dedicated to their relationships. I have seen that in my family and with my colleagues. Though women complain as to how much their husbands don’t get them gifts or take them out for shopping or fulfill their demands but the daily grind they go through everyday to earn for their families is their best contribution they could ever give. It is not easy but they do not crib. Men do their best to earn for their families so that their parents are in good comfort, their spouses are happy and their children are able to fulfill their dreams what they themselves could not do due to financial situations or other pressures. Their sacrifices go unnoticed. They try their best to handle every relationship and they do fail because they are not as expressive as women are and are not pro in cooking, cleaning etc. But little efforts they do like getting groceries or helping kids with homework, getting food or baby sitting their kids because their wives are at office , definitely calls for an appreciation.

Men in the corporate world also showcase their humble side and I’m glad I was able to observe that. My senior manager in New York is someone I admired a lot – at the age of 35 he was a pro. The energy, the knowledge he possessed was great. His chivalrous attitude was commendable. At a happy hour ( which was my first) I was very queit and took time to get along until the time he came sat next to me started conversing about India, our culture, offered me food as I did not drink and even took me along with other team mates for a karaoke night. I was touched by his humility. I’ve also met a single father parent recently and I have great respect for him because I had never come across a single father parent and to ensure your kid grows up with good upbringing, he is giving his best to his child and it’s clearly seen in his efforts and time he devotes to his child and the child’s behavior and attitude. Salute!!

Men do not express what they feel or their pain, holding feelings and emotions to themselves is a talent we should learn. I have come across many people who are away from their homes, earning for a living and get to go home just once or twice a year. Needs a lot of courage to do that. Their parents long to spend time with their sons but duty comes first and it is for a secure future that they are making such big sacrifices now. Quite some make phone calls, some video calls and that’s how their parents are in touch with them. They are unable to have a heartfelt conversation but the little they do is enough to give them strength. Men are definitely respectful. I have come across such colleagues of mine, and most are really respectable and well behaved, modest and even helpful. Not most of my colleagues come across as approachable but there were few to whom I could go with any doubts any questions during my initial days at office.

Recently in my office cab, I met a person who works for another team. He was so genuine and kind. Everytime there were three men and just me, he offered me the front seat to sit so that I do not feel uncomfortable and every time we were stuck at traffic , he ensured to grab something to eat and got more in quantity for all of us in the cab to have. All these little things are definitely commendable. I have also faced the opposite where men would prefer to take the first drop by diverting from the regular route. Such men lack respectability.

My main motto through this blog is to salute such men who do their best in life, handle responsibilities, have made numerous sacrifices that go unnoticed, handle work home families and even higher studies (one of my manager is a pro in it and that’s admirable), respect women and are modest in their behavior. Men are really selfless and helpful at times and in terms of friendships they are always there for their friends no matter what. I’m not going gaga about men or being biased in gender but some men truly deserve to be respected and given a salute for the examples they set.

Some men show their emotions which is good for them and others and the motivational speakers I follow on Instagram are an inspiration to me – their choice of words, their learning experiences, their motivational speeches are very inspiring. Such men respect lows and highs, ups and downs, circumstances and issues irrespective of gender. They are very humble and forthcoming. We all should learn from them and seek what’s best. Men do come across very practical, that does not mean they do not have emotions – they go through a lot but they are created in such a way that their hard cover moulds their softness within that none can see.

For all the men in your life readers, try to see their best side – the one that is always unnoticed, their motives and also their care that is never in their words but is hidden in their actions. If they make you laugh, treasure them. If you don’t see their pains, yet be calm and less demanding. If they show respect and are modest in their behavior, appreciate them. If they are queit, give them sometime to open up and share their views.

Kudos to such men – Thank you for being such an inspiration!!

Disclaimer – A lot of observations have gone in making the above points valid on this blog.

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